I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
