TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
