the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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