So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
