It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
