You smell like stripper and shame
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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