dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
