i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
