he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
