Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
