Someone shit on the floor
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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