I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
