This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
