We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
