$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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