After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
