we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
