my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
