you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
