I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
