and she was petting her beer can
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
