I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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