he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
