She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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