whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
