My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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