my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
