JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
