she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
