Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
