She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're too hungover to prance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
