highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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