I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
