You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
