I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
