Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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