Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
