$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
