My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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