Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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