I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
