You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
