So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
