you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
