dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
