Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
