just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
