I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
