PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
