My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Couch. On fire.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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